Dealing With Grief and Depression

For about a year I have been treated for depression. It's not something I usually tell people about, only a few very close family members and friends know about it. But now I'd like to use this space just to write down any thoughts I have so everything is there on a page in front of me.

The few months before my doctor prescribed to me some antidepressants were very difficult. I didn't know what was going on with me and, to be honest, I thought I was turning into some kind of insane person with no hope of ever getting better. I was really scared. However, once I plucked up the courage to see my doctor things started to get a lot better. I was happy and felt more alive than I had felt in ages. I was really proud of how well I was doing.

At the beginning of this year I started to go back to my old ways, I began to feel totally worthless again. My grandad was also gradually getting very ill, and it was difficult to walk into the room and see him in pain. I've lived with him for my whole life so it made a huge impact on me.

My grandad died almost three months ago. I actually can't believe it has been that long, it still feels like it just happened. Although we knew he was really ill, we didn't expect we'd lose him so soon. I'm sure anyone who has been in a similar situation knows that it is a real shock - even if it is expected - to lose a loved one, particularly someone who has been living in your house. I felt like my whole life had been turned upside down. My family is extremely close which is so lovely and has helped a lot, but it also means things are even more difficult when we are all together and he is missing.

I've felt like I've had to really grow up all of a sudden. It worked for the first couple of weeks; I really stepped up and did what I had to do. Lately I've realised that I'm just getting worse and worse. I have no motivation to do anything and I'm just letting things slip further and further.

While writing this I am determined to start working on things to make me better. I am going to do more of the things I love, no matter what they are. As long as they are not self destructive things, which I don't believe they are. I need to focus on more positive things.

I really want to know any stories anyone reading this has on dealing with depression and/or grief. This is just my brief account of what has been going on with me. I want to be able to look back on this post someday and see what progress I have made. We all get good days and bad days, and I want to try to focus on all the good days as much as I can.

Please leave a comment or tweet me at @WaffleDreamland if you have anything you wish to say.

Beth xx